Time

Question; is time an enemy or an ally? 
I've hear the saying that time heals all wounds.
We also all bemoan the rapid passage of time as it seems to steal away the time we spend with family and friends, especially with our children.
So which is it?  My life is something of a wreck right now and I say to myself that it is just time and in time things will go back to normal.  However, for all our challenges, we are experiencing great happiness and exciting times with our kids. I hate for those things to pass to quickly. 
Rambling here but it was a question I was asking myself during the night last night. 

Time: A real conundrum!

Pretense

I've written a few times about being useful and how important it is for our self  confidence and happiness.

I wake up every morning and pretend I am useful.  Then by about noon I recognize the pretense and begin punching myself in the ego and a little in the face to!

By bedtime I am significantly bruised.

Oblivion

Being yanked and pulled into oblivion by what seems like an invisible enemy.

How to fight back against an enemy that is my own brain?

Numb

My face is numb, my face is numb, my face, my face, my face is numb!

Landon had hoops academy practice last nigh and my face was numb last night also.  I was so lit I could barely walk.  It was embarrassing. 

I am a f$%#&*@ embarrassment to anyone around me. 

I love Pink Floyd's comfortably numb but this numb is not comfortable.

Seizure free three months

Six days short of a seizure free three months!

This morning had a seizure.  Utter devastation! Not sure I have felt this low since this all began. 

It is like the east wind that was stealing me away from me and my family has returned and begun to blow again through my life.

What to do,?            Survive.

walker

Over the last week there has appeared a new man on the walking, bus riding circuit. He looks a little suspicious.  I am recommending a background check.

Yes, there exists a social hierarchy even among the homeless, strange, undesirable class with whom I spend my days.

Anger

Why is anger such a dominant defense mechanism?  When life takes a negative turn, anger becomes an overwhelmingly powerful influence.  The worst part of it is that the anger often times is pointed towards the people who don't deserve it and who we love the most.

There are days I attempt to shuck off the anger I feel, and it is a terrifying thing to do.  It has become one of the emotions I can hold on to no matter how poor I feel.  In fact the worse I feel, the stronger my draw towards anger becomes.

I'd be better without anger but it dominates me ofttimes.

Examined

So if the unexamined life is not worth living, what does an examined life look like?  Examined by whom? What would constitute an examined life.  It must have something to do with being pushed, pulled and otherwise manipulated.  What does your life look like when your being stretched or twisted or squeezed?
That is what Socrates is talking about, I think. 
Seems that life is like building muscle; sore and uncomfortable but part of the process.  Does it mean that if I am not hurting I am not growing? not sure.  Good thing to think on over the weekend.

Life unexamined

The unexamined life is not worth living.

 

                           Socrates, (469 BC - 399 BC)

 

 

falling

A follow up to yesterdays post:

Would you rather know about the cliff and feel the fear and try avoid falling or would you rather be in the dark about the danger and go along fearlessly as long as possible until falling?

It is a great question.  Often I feel as though I was in the dark and have now fallen.  Based upon the shock of falling I would rather know of the danger and feel some fear.

Feel Fear?

When walking on the edge of a cliff, unaware of the deathly crag, do you feel fear?

Not until you fall!

Then it is to late.

driving

My 6 year old daughter prays every day that her dad will get better so he can start driving again.  Not sure if it is an indictment of my wife's driving or just hoping for our life to get back to normal, but I find that I get emotional every time she says it. 

Christians vs. Jackasses

Lots of people call themselves Christians.  For most of them I have met lately that appellation gives them the right to behave as  complete jackasses, as Grandpa would say.  Of course he would always say excuse me before he said it.
Whatever brand of Christian you are act like it!
I think I will tell people that I am a jackass and thereby be accurate.

Forgot

The one thing I love most about life.....

I can't remember.