scarlet letter

Been reading the scarlet letter. Theme never seems to go out of date.

Demons

The better angels of my mind and nature are regularly being shouted down and drowned out by my demons.

As the shouts grow louder the angels recede until there are times that I find that I am the demon shouting.

Hatred, Anger, Revenge; emotions that sustain me.

Humor

Some humor on an otherwise humorless and difficult day. 
Since I am nearly preparing for next years Tour de France, my wife thought it would be good for me to have a real cycling jersey.  Keep in mind that cycling jerseys are not made for people of my, uh, build. So she calls and asks and calls and asks and finds that a XX jersey should fit me.  It arrived yesterday.
It fit my arm.
Not every day you can't even get a 2 x shirt over your shoulders.  While quite discouraging it was very funny and even funnier when I think about it this morning.
I guess my Tour de France run will have to wait until I can fit into a jersey.  Might be a few years.

Hard things

My wife has a lot of little sayings that she consistently uses with my kids.  One of those sayings is "you can do hard things".
In life we are often asked to practice what we preach.  I guess we will see if I can do hard things.

wake up

Ever wake up in the morning and remember who you are and think...... Shit!

Funeral

Attended a funeral in which I identified with the person in the casket more than with the people in the pews. 

Feeling dead to the things of this world.

It's like watching your self live but not really living.

Strange.

No worries, just expressing.

New drug induced sensations!

Driving

Many of you have seen me driving and I am sure were running for cover.  However the dmoov has given me a drivers license and with good judgement and such I am driving occasionally. 
It is perhaps the most liberating (since when has the white male needed to be liberated!) feeling in the world to be able to take yourself to the gas station.  I find that it is so fun that I go and purchase a McDonald's one dollar coke at least once a day.  Don't get me wrong it is the best coke in town but the main driver behind such trips is to buy a coke on my own. I now drive the one mile to Walmart to hang out. Certainly not everyone's best choice of hangouts but it is closer to home than other places, plus I fit right in there. Just the other day I saw a man there with his shirt pulled over his head and I thought hey that could be me!
I will however miss my bus riding experiences.  I have a few tickets left and will have to ride occasionally just for the good memories.

Anyway if you see me give a big wave because I am sixteen all over again!

Sun

The sun came up, that's good. Hopefully the metaphor holds true.

Dark

Dark, I feel dark on the inside.  Suffocating darkness. In the ups and downs of the battle with my malfunctioning brain, today seems a new low. I seem to remember reading a bible verse about after the dark the sun rises or some such thing.
I'm hoping.

mind and body

I am continually astonished at the overwhelming effect the body has on the mind and the mind on the body.  A healthy mind will positively effect the health of the body just as a sick mind will definitely cause health problems for the body. On the flip side a healthy body helps nurture a stronger and clearer mind just as a body with problems will darken and cloud the mind. It requires the health of both to be a truly healthy person.
I can't seem to get both to work at the same time.
It is a daily challenge to manage my new brain malfunctions as well as the resulting issues they cause my body.
What is it that the little train that could kept saying? I find it hard to remember.

Death by Rooster

I rode out Siphon to Truckersville and back yesterday and nearly died by Rooster! As I rode I could see two big roosters in the road.  One in each lane.  I have known roosters to be both stupid and mean so I was a little concerned as my balance is less than perfect and maybe not that good. I decided to ride between them.  I was going about 21 miles per hour and thought I could split them before they reacted to either run under a tire or try and peck me, both of which would have me on my side.  I was wrong.
The one on the right went left and the one on the left went right.  They crisscrossed just in front of me and I missed hitting them by inches! By some miracle I did not lose my balance and crash however my hear rate rose to an alarming rate, as you can imagine.
Funny now but I seem to have said some unacceptable things about those two chickens as I rode on.  Also I think I will skip any "out of town" rides for awhile.