You may know the story of King Sisyphus and how he was punished for eternity by rolling a boulder up a hill only to have it roll to the bottom over and over again. I have heard of the story in the past but thought of it today. The story is a perfect dramatization of my mindset.
The herculean effort it takes to push the boulder up the hill each day with sure knowledge that it will be back at the bottom again tomorrow. It seems as though the daily effort is wasted yet each morning I begin to push again. Perhaps it is the effort itself that maintains sanity or perhaps the fear of what happens if I don't push is the driving force.
Either way, can't get the boulder over the top! Guess I will keep trying.
In my thinking with each time you push that boulder up to only have it roll down again that boulder will eventually begin to erode. With each passing day and month though you may not see the size decrease it will, little by little, and that heavy load with become lighter and more manageable. Maybe you will just become stronger and the push will be easier, maybe the difficulty will be diminished, but either way the only way you can be defeated by this is by no longer trying. We are proud of you, you are stronger than you think you are.
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