Puke

Ever try to describe your self with a word.  I do. Today the only word I can come up with is puke.


P.S. this is not a sympathy post.  I love you all but I hate sympathy miners.

Fat vs. Unhealthy

I have been informed by my wife that we can no longer talk about fat or skinny but about healthy v. unhealthy.  Apparently it has a more positive vibe to it.  The problem with it is that I'm fat and shes skinny and now I now that unhealthy means fat.  So it is not any more positive for me!

Another thing about unhealthy people: When we watch an exercise commercial or see people in shape for a short time we think we are them! I happen to like the crossfit workouts and games.  I think it is fantastic however I can do a grand total of 3 pullups nor can I climb a rope but when I watch I am sure I can do all the things I see.
I think that until I next walk up the stairs!

I do!

Ever feel like breaking someone's jaw ? Or breaking an object over someone's head? Or a karate chop to the Adams apple? Or a variation of those?
I do.

Living with Epilepsy; Jenny LaBaw

“Jenny LaBaw: Living With Epilepsy” | Marcus Brown

marcusbrown.net

I posted this on facebook yesterday but it is worth seeing here as well.  If you click on the link it should get you to the site of the video.  Pretty inspirational.  I love it.  Just gives a good look at going to get you dreams.  
Plus, look at her! My 5'8' (generous) 225 is not very inspirational. 

Happy

I hope you are all happy.  Regardless of the situation you should be happy.  I'm learning that outside influence should be not be able to control my mood.  It happens a lot but it should not.  If there is something that is keeping you from being happy; fix it.  Not saying to throw your family to the wolves or whatever, I'm saying fix relationships, or do whatever necessary to be happy.  Life is way to hard to be miserable.  Without some joy life is unbearable!
Rambling here but the thought is that we should all figure out a way to be happy.

Embarrassing

You know when a kid you would make a noise with your mouth and then quickly run a finger over your lips makes a funny bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb sound? At least I think that is the sound.  Funny when a kid does it.  Disturbing when an adult does it.  I did that in front of ten or fifteen people today. 

Embarrassing myself each and every day!

That is not my goal each morning but at least I am consistent with it!

Useful

I can't feel my face! 1200 mg twice a day starting yesterday.  I can't feel my face.  Good thing it will wear off. 

Spent yesterday helping a friend put up some sheet rock.  I did break a piece of sheet rock in my mind altered state. Or maybe it is my super human strength? No must be the mind problem. Keep in mind I am not good at doing things like, everything. 

However I felt something I haven't felt in a while. 
Useful. 

I am finding that the worst thing about my current life is that I feel completely useless. I can see how feeling depressive and not accomplishing anything productive go hand in hand.  Gotta get up each day with a list of things to do to be productive.

hills and valleys

Saturday was a perfect day.  Slept in a bit.  Watched my daughter play soccer and then worked in the yard the rest of the day with my wife and kids.  This is not very notable as it was a pretty standard spring Saturday.  The notable thing about it was not the weather the yard work or anything like that.  The notable portion of the day was that I felt completely normal.  It seems that I was insulated from all of the problems that surround me.  It was as if our lives were completely charmed for that particular day.  I felt good, great even.  No one bothered me.  Everyone I saw was pleasant and friendly.  I did not have a care in the world.  It was beautiful. 
It was not just a hill in the game of hills and valleys that represent our lifes but a mountain.  I would like to have experienced the heights for a little longer but alas here I am in the valley below again. 
That is life as they say!

experiment

If you like social experiments I have a good one for you. 
Go to a "nice" part of town and just stand. Stand on a corner or under a tree and just watch the reaction of the drivers as they go past. 
It won't work if your in a part of town where most people walk and a lot of "undesirables" live and hang out because you just blend in.
A few days ago I was on the corner of Whitaker and Chubbuck waiting for a bus.  It was hot so I stood under a tree for shade as I waited.  I was there for around 20 min.  In that time every single driver that went by stared at me as if they were trying to get a good description to give the cops when I committed a crime!
Many of these people I knew and after a few seconds of staring they recognized me and waved.  But none failed to stare at me as if it is an odd thing to be on the corner on foot. 
So go to a nice neighborhood and just stand on the corner as if your waiting for something.  Smile and wave and be friendly.  It won't matter people will stare and even give questioning looks as if to ask what your up to.  Pretty interesting.
As I've said before I learn a lot by not being in a hurry and watching all of you be in a hurry.  People watching has become my favorite pass time. 

Candy and Time

My writing skills have obviously hit a new low.  Now writing about candy.  Don't hold it against me, mornings are bad for my brain.  I have no memory of writing about it.  However I do like peanut m&ms but a bit of a strange post. 

On a different topic.  What is it about true friends that makes it so that you don't have to speak every day or week or even month to stay close.  It is a bond that spans time and distance.
(time and distance might be the same thing; thought for another day).
Doesn't require to many true friends to make life rich.

peanut m&ms

I love peanut m&ms and also Hershey kisses with almonds in them.  Even though I like fresh coconut I hate mounds or almond joy, whichever one has coconut. 
Peanut m&ms are my favorite.

Impairment

900 mg of trileptal this morning. Significant impairment! Gonna be a long morning.

Friendship

A little earlier today I had a very educational, interesting and telling experience with two individuals.  I had conversations with these two people virtually at the same time.  One has been a friend for some years and has expressed his support and love for me and my family.  The other is a person with whom I have the beginnings of a friendship.  I have also done business with both of them.

During a 15 minute span, one of the two expressed love and hope for myself and my family and did so with genuine concern and friendship.  His conversation built me up and made an average day much better. 

The other, based on a discussion he had with "some people" essentially called me a liar but indicated he would pray for me in spite of me.

The positive and genuine discussion was not with the friend of years from whom I would have expected it but from a man that I have only known for a short time and all in a business nature. 

The negative discussion which buried me for a few hours in anger and sadness came from the friend with whom I have had a strong even deep friendship.

Not sure there is a moral to the story, but it did not happen as I thought it would.  Turns out everyone has their own way of being and that no matter how deep a friendship or relationship, it can be buried in an instant.

Sorry this is a little long. Just food for thought.

Cabo Verde

I saw this video today thanks to a friend of mine.  I spent many months on these islands in 1997.  What great memories.  It reminded me of great times and the fact that good things happen everyday all around the world thanks to good people.

http://www.lds.org/pages/cape-verde-video?lang=eng&country=gb&cid=facebook-shared

I'm not very tech savy so I'm not sure if the link will work.  I just copied it here.  Good luck

Drunk bike riding

My sister in law made an astute comment yesterday about my writing here.  She thought it interesting and a bit humorous that my post about feeling drunk came so short after my post regarding my bike riding.  Perhaps she said riding the bike while drunk may not be the best idea. 
I fully concur.  To my credit I have been intelligent enough to ride my bike during the hours of the day when I feel the least drunk!
What I'm trying to say is that while I may not be very smart, I am doing my best to not be a drunk rider. Healthier that way.
Thanks Becky for looking out for me.

Drunk

As I increase the level of trileptal that I am taking I am now a walking drunk that may or may not have a seizure.  A pretty decent combination for comic relief.  From 8 am to noon and from 8 pm till bed time I am pretty shaky.  I am wondering if single malt scotch would give me the same benefits?  It would defiantly taste better.
Joking aside I am doing better but feeling like an alcoholic by 8 am is a bit of a struggle.

Mouth breathing

Sometimes when the bus is a bit full one is required to breath out of the mouth!
Should be a warning sign on the side of the bus.

Fat guy on a bike

Remember fat guy in a little coat? Funny. Ever seen a fat guy on a bike? also funny.
I can't see myself on my bike however I can imagine it is really funny.  I may not be Chris Farley but me playing fat guy in spandex on a bike is like a train wreck; just can't look away.
Do me a favor, laugh in your cars and don't honk, I'm likely to crash!

Understanding

No matter what God you believe in, there are times when it would be nice to have the ability to read God's mind.  There are moments when my frustrations over not understanding the whats and whys of life drive me to distraction.  Sometimes that distraction drives me to question the fundamental beliefs that have sustained me all my life.   I don't see this as an entirely bad thing. 
When was the last time you evaluated what you really believe about the purpose of this life?
When was the last time you questioned why you do what you do and live the way you live?
A worthwhile exercise!
As I attempt to read God's mind, I am finding that my limited understanding and vision of this existence hinders my ability to see what He sees.  Blind faith is not acceptable to me but waiting on understanding works. 
The waiting is the hard part.
Patience!